Dream last night

It started in a coffee shop (that doesn't actually exist) around the corner from my apartment. I was dressed for work I think. I remember Matt being there. It was time for me to return home to get ready, so I turned to leave, telling the guy at the counter that I would pay him later as my pockets were empty.
My apartment was a high-rise and I was on one of the top floors. I went up to get my stuff when catastrophe struck and the building next-door collapsed onto my building (like Cloverfield). Jason (brother) had to walk up the fallen building to help me gather my things. Just as we were walking onto the roof to walk back down, the building started to fall and we became airborne, falling flights to our death and holding each other. We landed on the pavement by a subway stop, and I seemed to get up from my body and keep on with my day. I didn't look back to confirm if my body was on the pavement still or not.

I floated over to AMDA, where I was a first semester student again. It was like I had gone back in time though, as I had knowledge of the future, but everyone else I knew was there and 18 again. I felt empowered, this time I would succeed with my knowledge of the future. ("If youth knew; if age could."-S.F.) I left dance class to return to a basement apartment (Id?) that I shared with Tristan (boyfriend). People walked by the window, threatening to barge in. Two black men suddenly appeared in the room and I slapped and punched one in the eye, skewing it. they left us alone. I know there were other details, but I can't remember them now.

I am open to commentary and interpretation for those who feel they have a knack for it.

Let me start towards the end where the most remembered image stands out to me. So says wikipedia of Jung, "...the shadow sometimes overwhelms a person's actions, for example, when the conscious mind is shocked, confused, or paralyzed by indecision."
The man I punched is whom I identify as Jung's "shadow". After I assault him, his right eye turned crossed, a further conformation that he is meant to be my other half (my eyes were crossed as a child). He represents shame and danger in my house (Freud's "self") and I beat him out, or repress him. He also may represent indecision in the apartment that I share with my boyfriend. In fact, I rarely think about the shame I experienced as a child associated with the ridicule and thoughtless questioning of my peers, but I'm sure the deep seated damage has been done by it. Perhaps this is a leftover token used to help me associate the conflict and shame.

It's almost like the dream runs backwards. In this scenario, starting at the end with the man I punch, I am living in the city, it feels new and a little scary and then I go to AMDA. In reality after AMDA, my dreams, and my confidence were shattered (falling from the building) and I am moving into a new place in my current neighborhood where the beginning of the dream takes place. Here, I am up early and striving to work an "adult" job. (what I hope to soon be transitioning into). I am also broke and can't pay for a coffee, which adds commentary to my current conflict. Packing up and moving also adds current commentary as this was recently something that was being discussed between my boyfriend and I.

The apartment falling apart represents the condition of our apartment (New Yorky, a little rough around the edges and crammed full of crap) and the history with my roomates and their inability to be responsible for rent, a current and ongoing major stress in my life. The fact that my well-to-do brother, whom is very fiscally responsible, is the one helping me out of all of this and helping me "collect my baggage" makes sense now.

MSW interview today at Hunter

So, the group dynamic was great with interesting dialog. I was the last person to arrive, not my usual earliness, but it was fine. I hope I didn't seem over eager. It was surreal to be there and see our applications right there in the room with us. They mentioned that they are doing rolling admissions this year, so I really hope that NSU gets my degree posted by the end of the week like they said. Hunter said we should hear in about 6 weeks, so I am FREAKING OUT and crossing my fingers that I will have that freaking transcript in their hands by then. Maybe I'll drop it off personally. It was nice to see that not everyone there was direct practice, so maybe that increases my chances. I think there were 8 of us. Sigh... I also got an interview wit hthe teaching fellows, so we'll see about that as well. I wonder how many other sessions they had? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let them accept me! I'm so excited and so scared.

New feelings on abortion

I wrote this for a film class in which last week we watched this documentary...I haven't been ale to stop thinking about it since, and I wonder how others feel about the conflict...I encourage discussion on this because I think everyone has a very unique opinion...

Lake of Fire

J.L.S

"Response to Lake of Fire"

October 9, 2007

In brief, I found this film extremely disturbing, which no doubt was the aim of the sickening imagery, but I am glad to know the undressed reality of the situation. The realities of abortion have been revealed to me; I have until now been ignorant about the specifics of the procedure and the developmental time line of an unborn child in the critical weeks, or disgustingly, months in which abortion is a possibility. I have always been pro-choice, and still am, but if my vote were to count for any abortion, any time, (aside from maybe saving the life of the mother) I wouldn't be able to stand by this decision. It sickens me that until recently, babies that could have the potential to live outside the womb prematurely had they been delivered were slaughtered instead. These lives were taken barbarically, and these babies suffered in agony. I cannot imagine being a living breathing person, and making a choice to rip apart my own child inside my own body due to my gross irresponsibility. Maybe worse, I cannot imagine being the physician who would do such a "procedure."
However, this being said, I would never count myself amongst the hypocritical killers for Christ, using their dogma to oppress the world in disagreement around them and abusing a should-be peaceful religion to mistreat and shame their fellow man. Religion in any extreme form throughout history has always amounted in mass conflict and/or the slaying of countless innocent people who simply didn't follow the grain of the doctrine. Something is truly wrong with these sociopathic people who believe that they are doing the work of God by killing another. However, this is also a blaring and extreme example of how I think people can choose to use Christianity as a scapegoat to commit hateful acts, especially through the teachings of the bible which thoroughly contradicts itself at times, even in its most basic fundamentals.
Still, my bottom line is that we as men and women should choose what to do with our bodies, not the government. You give them an inch, and they take a mile with our personal freedoms, and I wouldn't want to step any closer to fascism then we already have under the Bush administration. I do, however, applaud his ban on partial birth abortion which was long in due, and feel that there must be regulations on the practice.

On the other side of the coin, think about the population being about 51 million people larger, ( approx.1.5 million abortions a year X 34 years) coming from families or individuals who didn't want them, couldn't be parents, or couldn't afford to take care of their health and well being, or to nurture their minds and bodies. What would have become of our society in the last few decades as our youths seem to be becoming more sexually precocious? Trends have shown us what children from broken homes are like not having been properly nurtured, and how hard it is for children of inadequate parents to break the chain. It's a very tough call to make, and I can see benefits and tragedies to both ends.

I have felt passionately about this topic for quite some time, and I think that combating the general ignorance about abortion is our first priority in making the best decision we can as a people, if it's even our decision to make. To this end, I believe sex education is of the utmost importance in our schools and families. Sugarcoating or avoiding the facts about sex and abortion will only amount in tragedy for individuals who weren't provided the opportunity to be more informed, and make smarted decisions. This is the root of the problem, and this is where we need to start, although those strongly opposing abortion strongly oppose this movement as well for the most part. For those who oppose exposing adolescents to lessons on sex, it seems a little more like denial and less like wishful thinking that all young people will deny their human desires and instincts because they weren't alerted to the facts of life. I just can't see how denying the valuable education of the people most at risk for making these mistakes is a mission of the people who most want these mistakes to go away.

In conclusion, America needs to become more educated on the facts of abortion and sexual responsibility. We have the opportunities to provide this education on a larger scale, and to intervene before the problem can occur for many cases. We could have our personal liberty over our own bodies revoked and put in the hands of a faceless system, and losing this freedom could potentially be the start of losing many others. We can never wish the problem away, but we can provide truth and reason to those who will listen. I hope to see less and less abortion in the years to come, and (actually the rates are at their lowest as of late) and no more late terminations. For either side of the coin, however, this may be wishful thinking.

(c) 2008 JLS