BURNTOUT!

Wow. I don't know if the prospect of the two week expiration limit on this semester has caused a bought of senioritis, or if I'm just checking out because I'm super burnt out? I won't even mention the rent struggle, because we all know that that will be an ongoing monthly question, of: will I or won't I make rent?
I feel exhausted, disorganized, checked-out, inattentive, uncaring, defeated, short-tempered...ugh...I just need a weekend to turn my brain off. I feel like I can't get in-tune with what I really need, and can't monitor my moods. I can't concentrate worth a damn and practically refuse to finish the little lingering projects I have to do. I really guess you could sum it up as me running out of steam.
It was a good long-hual. I just need one more proactive day to knock-out the little things. I think this weekend, is already counted for for two paper writing projects. I just hope that I can give them the time and energy they deserve.
Chritmas should be fun, but it seems more like a pain in the ass then anything else this year. I guess it is nice to have something to look forward to, and we have some nice plans for mom and dad, so it will be a good day, but I'm too broke not to be a little bit of a scrooge. I also feel like I'm putting out my Mom who is working herself crazy to help out with tuition and pretty much run the household. However, without the little christmas bonus coming my way, I don't think that I could stay on top of rent for December and January. I'm not shopping or over-spending. I could always be a little fruggle and do ramen noodles, but there is a limit to how stressed and malnurished one can be at the same time, I should think.
I'm been dissociating with my little future day dreams of a well-paying job in the quiet suburbs, financial reliability, a clock-in-clock-out schedule, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....I need to remind myself of why I decided to take-on such a gruelling schedule, and it all comes back into focus. I just wish I could metabolize the material more and process the content in a more intelectual way. My last few responses to reading have been shorthand bullshit, but I don't have much choice.
a month off from class will hopefully have me eager again for next semester.
I really wish I coudl find a therapist. I find that turning 25 has got me all shaken up in the quarter-life crisis type of way. My personality dictates that I not be sound in just about any decision I make, so I'm in a constant flux. Maybe it's jsut the process of discovery that is leading me to lots of difference conclusions. Shit if I cna pin ponit it.

Ahhhh. just typing feels better. I just needed to vent, even though I don't feel like I ever stop talking about these things. It helps to see them in concrete in order to prioritize them. I also hope I can consolidate some of this information when I slow down for a minute and do some thinking..Well, gotta go try and do some reading. I hope it works.