Monday, February 4, 2008

Dream last night

It started in a coffee shop (that doesn't actually exist) around the corner from my apartment. I was dressed for work I think. I remember Matt being there. It was time for me to return home to get ready, so I turned to leave, telling the guy at the counter that I would pay him later as my pockets were empty.
My apartment was a high-rise and I was on one of the top floors. I went up to get my stuff when catastrophe struck and the building next-door collapsed onto my building (like Cloverfield). Jason (brother) had to walk up the fallen building to help me gather my things. Just as we were walking onto the roof to walk back down, the building started to fall and we became airborne, falling flights to our death and holding each other. We landed on the pavement by a subway stop, and I seemed to get up from my body and keep on with my day. I didn't look back to confirm if my body was on the pavement still or not.

I floated over to AMDA, where I was a first semester student again. It was like I had gone back in time though, as I had knowledge of the future, but everyone else I knew was there and 18 again. I felt empowered, this time I would succeed with my knowledge of the future. ("If youth knew; if age could."-S.F.) I left dance class to return to a basement apartment (Id?) that I shared with Tristan (boyfriend). People walked by the window, threatening to barge in. Two black men suddenly appeared in the room and I slapped and punched one in the eye, skewing it. they left us alone. I know there were other details, but I can't remember them now.

I am open to commentary and interpretation for those who feel they have a knack for it.

Let me start towards the end where the most remembered image stands out to me.
So says wikipedia of Jung, "...the shadow sometimes overwhelms a person's actions, for example, when the conscious mind is shocked, confused, or paralyzed by indecision."
The man I punched is whom I identify as Jung's "shadow". After I assault him, his right eye turned crossed, a further conformation that he is meant to be my other half (my eyes were crossed as a child). He represents shame and danger in my house (Freud's "self") and I beat him out, or repress him. He also may represent indecision in the apartment that I share with my boyfriend. In fact, I rarely think about the shame I experienced as a child associated with the ridicule and thoughtless questioning of my peers, but I'm sure the deep seated damage has been done by it. Perhaps this is a leftover token used to help me associate the conflict and shame.

It's almost like the dream runs backwards. In this scenario, starting at the end with the man I punch, I am living in the city, it feels new and a little scary and then I go to AMDA. In reality after AMDA, my dreams, and my confidence were shattered (falling from the building) and I am moving into a new place in my current neighborhood where the beginning of the dream takes place. Here, I am up early and striving to work an "adult" job. (what I hope to soon be transitioning into). I am also broke and can't pay for a coffee, which adds commentary to my current conflict. Packing up and moving also adds current commentary as this was recently something that was being discussed between my boyfriend and I.

The apartment falling apart represents the condition of our apartment (New Yorky, a little rough around the edges and crammed full of crap) and the history with my roomates and their inability to be responsible for rent, a current and ongoing major stress in my life. The fact that my well-to-do brother, whom is very fiscally responsible, is the one helping me out of all of this and helping me "collect my baggage" makes sense now.